While I was finding my way to a new “normal” much of my inspiration came from some extraordinary Facebook posts. One day while in the midst of my emotional madness, this one post vividly stood out to me; “If you’re leading with your pain, you’re not ready yet.” It was written in reference to marriage and relationships, but for me, it went far beyond that. It was a wake-up call of sorts. Resonating quite loudly…”Stephanie if you don’t get yourself together, you may just forfeit God’s promises and it will be no one’s fault but your own.”
“Lord, I hear you but I NEED HELP!”
This helped me see that every emotional meltdown, the dreaded roller coaster I couldn’t seem to get off of, the sleepless nights, the crying spells, the inability to focus, keep my mind on getting better, etc. were all results of me allowing my pain to lead. The pain of where I was living and hated so much being there, the pain of not having sufficient means to take care of myself, the pain of not feeling like an adult, the pain of being stuck, the pain of wanting to be noticed and loved a man, the pain of still sometimes hating to look at myself in the mirror, and so forth and so on.
I was led to these TRUTHS of who God is and how He sees me…
His word cannot return unto Him void!
I am fearfully and wonderfully made!
His promises are Yes and Amen!
The vision is yet for an appointed time!
I will live to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living!
His strength is made perfect in my weakness!
He knew me before He formed me in my mother’s womb!
He wishes above all things that I prosper and be in good health even as my soul prospers!
He has a plan for my life, an expected end!
He will fight for me and I have only to me silent!
He is always good to me; my soul can be at peace!
He invites me to become bold and free in His presence!
He hears and answers my prayers!
He will never leave me nor forsake me!
He is my rock, my fortress, my deliverer!
I’m sure many of you are familiar with these. I had to stop looking at what my physical eyes could see and begin to see things from a spiritual perspective. The change started by writing these things down, taping them around my apartment, as well as putting them on my phone. I began reading them every day, all day.
Whenever doubt, fair, anger, anxiety, and anything else that goes against the TRUTH came upon me, I replaced them with these words. I didn’t just read them, I spoke them out loud. I had to renew my mind by changing the way I thought and spoke. Which is why I am now, very careful about the thoughts lingering in my head as well as what comes out of my mouth. KNOW THIS~Once you have peace it must be maintained.
SURVIVAL 101~Two thoughts CANNOT occupy the same space at one time. If you’ve never tried it, you should. Think of something and then begin to speak your name out loud. Did the thought remain? More than likely, it didn’t. Put this into practice a few times a day and before long it will be second nature. When you’re fighting the battle of the mind and negative thoughts come, you will automatically start to speak things that are contrary to those thoughts.
Although I’d practiced this before, I had to make a firm decision to not forsake the commitment that I’d made. The enemy’s mission is and will always be to kill, steal, and destroy and he starts with our minds. One of my favorite bible teachers, Joyce Meyer says “where the mind goes, the man will follow.” If I wanted to truly live, I could no longer allow my mind to go to that place of pain. My life depended on it.
At this point I was so desperate for change and healing, I told God, “If things don’t change, this time, I want my next stop to be heaven.” And I meant that! But that wasn’t His plan for me. Even before forming me in my mother’s womb, He saw me just as I am today. I sit writing this whole, healed, delivered, and free. Sharing my journey with others so that they may learn to live free as well.
If you are in the midst of a battle don’t continue to be led by your pain. Begin to learn the TRUTH according to the word of God. He has an awesome plan for your life. I’m a living witness that ALL things can work together for your good and His glory, but you have to do your part.
I wish you abundant love, peace, and grace!